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One man's hobby was sailing. He spent all his weekends on the water paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the club, as usual. It was cold and raining and he had no crew, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.

"What a terrible weather today, honey," he said to her.

"Yes, and my idiot husband went sailing!"

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Two men struck up a conversation in a hotel lobby. Both felt a quick friendship growing. Said the first man, "would you like to go into the bar, have a drink and a fine cigar?" "No thanks", replied the other," I tried drinking once and didn't like it. I also tried smoking once and didn't like it either". "That's fine", said the first man, "listen, I have some time and the ocean is nearby let's charter a boat and sail around the bay.”. "No, I tried sailing once but didn't like it. I also tried fishing once. I didn't catch anything and didn't like it", explained the other. "However, my son will be along soon and I'm sure he would like to go sailing." The first man looked at his new acquaintance and remarked, "Your only son, no doubt!"

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Since their boss was an avid yachtsman, everyone in the office chipped in to buy him a sextant for a birthday present. Henderson volunteered to make the purchase, and when he learned the marine supply store was out of stock, he phoned the local sporting goods store. When he burst out laughing and hung up, a co-worker asked what was so funny. "They transferred my call," Henderson explained, "and when I asked the woman who answered if they had a sextant, she said they had all kind of tents and what I did in them was my business

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My friend wanted a boat more than anything.
His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. 'I'll tell you what,' he told her. 'In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?'
Being a good sport, she accepted.
When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side:
'For Sale.'

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The Captain was angry and could barely contain himself. The sailing race of the year was about to start but he confronted his First Mate anyway.

"I just found out that you have been getting huge kickbacks from our suppliers which made our costs double! Plus, I know you sold our new hull design to our biggest competitor team!! I also understand that yesterday you fooled around with my wife!!!

Visibly shaken the Captain shouted, "This is unacceptable behavior and beyond what could ever be forgiven!"

"You're absolutely right Captain" said the First Mate, "I guess our winning streak together comes to an end today!"

"Uh, right.....well, all I have to say is one more stunt and you're off the boat."

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Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.

Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe.

In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

Port Left,

Starboard Right

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Reflecting on the Past

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him. "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and fucked a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"

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The commercial fisherman's daughter married a young man who didn't seem to be qualified to do anything. Concerned that the young man could not adequately care for his daughter, the father gave his new son-in-law half ownership in his very profitable fishing business.

One evening the fisherman, pleased with his own magnanimous gesture that assured his daughter's future, asked the young man if there was anything else he could do to help out the newlyweds. The young man said, "No thanks dude! I'm thinking of selling out and retiring!"

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A game warden stopped a man with two buckets of fish . He asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied, "No, sir - Don't need one. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden asked.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home."

"That's crazy! Fish can't do that!" said the warden.

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "It's not crazy, I'll show you."

"O.K." said the warden, " do it!"!"

The man quickly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man responded.

"Well, when are you going to call them back?" the game warden asked.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH!" yelled the warden.

"What fish?" the man asked.

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