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There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

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During the twilight races. a small child slipped and fell overboard. A body hurled over the rail and saved the child. Coming back on board, the man who had swum to the child was cheered by the other crew. The captain asked the man, "What can we do for you?"
The man said, "You can tell me who pushed me?!"

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The First Mate was in a rare mood as he finished drilling the crew. He barked out a final order: "All right, you idiots, fall out!" The men fell out, but one sailor stood firm.

The sailor stared as the First Mate and smiled. "There were a lot of them weren't there sir?

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WHY SAILBOATS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Sailboats never choose to get their hair done instead of spending time with you.

Sailboats never have a curfew.

Sailboats never break a date.

Sailboats never have a headache.

Sailboats are always in the mood.

Sailboats are appropriately greeted with a whistle.

Sailboats never care if you arrive with buddies and choose to spend the evening playing cards.

Sailboats will always perform for you to the best of their abilities. You just need to treat them with care and not interfere with what they were designed to do.

Sailboats, like women, are best maneuvered with a light touch. However, only a sailboat's response is predictable.

Sailboats will tolerate some neglect quite well. However, like some women, sailboats will try to dump you if you are too heavy handed with them or neglect their basic needs for too long.

Both sailboats and women like to show their superstructures to best advantage. Sailboats, however, never complain that they have nothing to wear.

Sailboats, like women, can demand that you spend substantial amounts of money on their upkeep and maintenance. With sailboats, you are always guaranteed a good ride afterwards.

Sailboats never need another pair of shoes.

Sailboats don't care if you choose to spend the night with another woman.

Sailboats don't give you the cold shoulder after you have not called or visited for a while.

Sailboats always leave it to you to decide if you want to go out in foul weather.

Sailboats never complain that you don't talk to them.

You never have to bring a sailboat gifts of flowers, chocolates or jewelry.

You don't need to romance your sailboat before she'll let you spend the night.

Sailboats never get pregnant.

Sailboats never get PMS.

You cannot catch a sexually transmitted disease from spending time with many different sailboats.

With a sailboat you never need to carry protection.

A sailboat never gets jealous.

You can always tell a sailboat about other sailboats that you have sailed.

A sailboat never compares you to others who have sailed her.

A sailboat never fakes it.

A sailboat looks just as appealing the morning after.

Nobody is offended if you ask to borrow their sailboat for a romantic evening or weekend.

One sailboat can simultaneously satisfy the needs of quite a few men and women.

A fully rigged sailboat can call for several pairs of hands to keep her satisfied and in proper trim, and nobody thinks poorly of her.

When you buy an electric device to help single-hand a sailboat, nobody thinks less of you, and the sailboat is not embarrassed when you demonstrate the actual use of the appliance.

Sailboats never flirt and never play hard to get.

Sailboats respond best if you first wash their painted bottoms.

Sailboats never ask if their stern is too wide or if their rigging is sagging.

Sailboats never pout if you choose not to spend the night.

Sailboats don't make a scene if you choose to go with a younger model.

Well maintained, gracefully aging sailboats always have hordes of younger and older men lusting after them.

Sailboats always gratify you with their performance when you custom fit them with the newest fabrics.

Sailboats can always be rented to others by the day or by the hour.

In wide open spaces, quality rope or lengths of chain are used to anchor a sailboat. Imagine trying this with a woman.

Before a sailboat changes hands, the current owner encourages all serious potential prospects to take her for a spin and try her out.

Sailboats respond well if you tie them up for the night.

Thru-hulls are critical to below deck operations. Only with a sailboat are you encouraged to inspect each thru-hull BEFORE you take her out.

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A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate. "A shark bit off me whole leg."

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?" "We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with swords. One of them cut me hand clean off."

"Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "And the eye patch?" "A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. Said the pirate, "It was me first day with the hook

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Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22 ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order, the engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard......Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer

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A group of Match Cup Skippers are on Crew Scouting trip, when they see a five-story building with a sign that read, "Match Racer Crew Association" Since they are without their crews, they decide to go in. The Guard, a very salty type, explains to them how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor and once you find what you are looking for, for crew, you can go there and make a selection. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you who's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the crew on this floor are stupid and weak." The skippers laugh, and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the crew here are stupid and strong." Still, this isn't good enough, so the Skippers continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the crew here are smart and strong." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they kept going. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect, "All the crew here are smart, strong and Former Americas Cup Champions." The Skippers get excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads, "There are no crew here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a Skipper!

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